Saturday, August 20, 2005


I too have returned to the land of my forefathers. Sarah and I arrived on a Southwest flight on Thursday morning.

We found out that for some reason we are both on the No-Fly List. This is starting to get ridiculous. Neither me nor Sarah is subject to racial profiling. I have a pretty mixed background in the long run (in that the white side of my family is, seven or so generations back, descended from an escaped slave, and the dark side of my family is descended, three generations back, from a Filipino man), but let's face it, I'm still pretty white.

I've known of many Daniel Lewis-es, including Daniel Day-Lewis, Seattle television anchor Dan Lewis, and another Daniel Lewis in my dorm in college. For some reason, this is a pretty popular combination. My name is partly attributed to the Elton John song "Daniel" and some friends of the family. We're not a bad lot overall; we contribute to our communities, love our wives, pay our taxes, help the landlady take out her garbage. But recent events force me to conclude that, sadly, one of us has gone terribly, violently insane, and demands the most extreme caution.

I suggested to my brother-in-law just after we left the ticket counter that because of the extremely subversive content of this blog (despite its numerous references to the American, patriotic goal of becoming rich and famous), and its continuing opposition to the war in Iraq, the FBI had started a file on me. He laughed.

To all you feds out there, I have had a sudden change of heart, of life-altering political import! We really did find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, stop the torture chambers, depose an evil dictator, spread constitutional democracy throughout the Middle East, end religious and ethnic strife, prevent civil war, and aid the cause of women's right in Iraq! Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, 'til you find your dream!!!!! Tell your friends! Everyone Must Know!1!!

In other news, Alex's powdered baby formula spilled open in the overhead compartment and caked on my shirt; then, when the plane was almost full, Sarah and I moved over to the outside of the airplane and the formula spilled on her when the flight attendant opened the bin upon our landing. We didn't explain to her what had happened.

More life-changing content to come.

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