Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Abbey Road follies

Here's a fun way to spend an afternoon. This is a link to the 989 Amazon reviews of Abbey Road, the Beatles' masterpiece. Read them. Many overflow with gushing praise (and why not?), but the others... well, the others are hilarious.

Exhibit A:

[5 stars]
one day these kids will be better than limp bizkit and korn, August 29, 2006
Reviewer: Varg Vikernes - See all my reviews

the beatles are a great band.. but they will never compare to the great korn and biz limpkits these days.

keep trying beatles!!

Exhibit B:

[3 stars]
Good but not their best:, August 15, 2006
Reviewer: Cowboy Curtis (Battle Creek, Michigan) - See all my reviews

There are quite a few good songs on here like maxwells silver hammer and oh darling, but a lot of the album is filler. If they just threw in a few more classics comparable to their timeless compositions "Ob li di, Ob li da" and "I am the Walrus," it would have been a more well-rounded and cohesive album. I know most people are totally nuts over the Beatles, but I think this was really only the beginning. It's on their solo albums where their talents really shine. I have most of them except the John and Yoko one where John's weiner is hanging out on the cover. I just can't bring myself to purchase that and keep it in my home. I may try to find a censored version, but full male frontal nudity has no place in my music collection. Sorry, Mr. Lennon

Exhibit C:

[1 star]
Childish minds try to "save the world.", July 30, 2006
Reviewer: Dick Wagner (Kearney, Nebraska) - See all my reviews

By the late 1960's, the Beatles were nothing but a self-indulgent gaggle of rich and drug-demented poseurs. But this didn't stop them, those wild and wacky British buffoons, from trying to lecture the rest of us about how to live our lives. The result is nothing less than a spectacular and cruel example of the idle prattle of arrogant youth. A patch-work of bubble-gum philosophy and ghoulish narcissism. If only it would go away!!!

To those of us who remember the Beatles' 1960's heyday, it's time to move on. To those of us too young to remember, here's some advice: open-up your mind and say "NO!" to the weak minded rabble who needed dope to "open their mind." The world in and of itself is a marvelous place, and the narcotics-fuelled ravings of four under-educated children should be relegated to its proper place: the rubbish bin. Thank you all. -DW.

PS: With four hair-brained clowns like this as standard bearers, it's no wonder that Great Britain lost her empire.

Exhibit D, a response to Exhibit C:

[5 stars]
platinum and silver, July 31, 2006
Reviewer: HEY JUDE - See all my reviews

well everyone should ignore the previous one star reviewer who is an alias of the dumb whirligig who is like a cockroach as she keeps coming back under different names.THE BANDS SHE LIKES ARE TERRIBLE AND THE BANDS SHE HATES LIKE THE BEATLES ARE LEGENDS.SO IGNORE THIS GIRL AND BUY THIS CLASSIC.

And that's just in the first three pages.

P.S. Yes, you seriously need to own this album. If you want another fun way to spend an afternoon, go to the Live Music Archive and search for "Abbey Road". A few different bands cover the entire B-side live, including the whole medley (searching for "Golden Slumbers" also basically works). With a couple of minor changes (like extended drum solos, or maybe a sax instead of a trumpet), the bands all try to play exactly what the Beatles played on the album, down to the last hook.

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